Trigger warning: the following contains a description of the most heinous abomination known to humankind. Ready? A diabolical 39% of gen Z add ketchup to their Sunday roast. This is as sacrilegious as it is unappetising. But what makes it even more appalling is that these monsters aren’t even ashamed. Instead of lurking in the shadows, hiding their Heinz, they’re happily admitting to their culinary crime in a new survey.
And their misdemeanours do not end there. In news that is particularly distressing on the eve of glorious roast season, it turns out they’re also exchanging roast potatoes and yorkshire puddings for hot sauce, kimchi and – sounds like a punchline, but isn’t – literally avocado.
Sorry, but how dare they? You do not mess with perfection, which is what a roast is – that’s why so many of us choose it for our imaginary death row last meal. It’s comforting, delicious, a ritual and a treat. Peak food. Never mind the audacity of tweaking it at all – the tweaks themselves add insult to injury. The roast potato is the star of the plate, for goodness sake! Substituting it is like taking Meryl Streep out of a movie, and replacing her with … well, an avocado.
Gen Z are also determined to cut off their noses to spite their faces, with a horrifying 14% of them eschewing gravy. This is clearly a travesty. Leaving your roast dry is not allowing it to achieve its full potential, cheating it of fulfilling its destiny. How can they live with themselves?
The danger of this knowledge is that some people will do just about anything to look younger. That means there may now be individuals asking for ketchup, and no gravy thanks, simply to try to seem cool, down with the kids. They deserve all they get, which will be a ruined roast – a fate worse than no roast at all. Perhaps afterwards they can then settle down with a good film – something like The Avocado Wears Prada.
Polly Hudson is a freelance writer